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A Permanent Present

During the pandemic my life drastically changed. In the beginning of Covid-19 I was like most people, ( I think anyway) not really sure what this had to do with me, and how I was not about to let anything stop me from living. Well, I found out soon enough, my whole world was about to change. I took my last trip in March of 2020 to Portland OR, and I had the time of my life, I met new people I was on my solo bolo, and I felt unstoppable. I would return home to an all new reality. In this new reality leisure trips were a thing of the near past, and I would be lucky if I got to see any of my family including my children once a week at that point. I had a major reality check, I went from taking my daughter to school in the mornings and practicing our French, to calling her on my breaks to check in with her. My daughter had to stay at my sister's house, since my sister was working remotely. My husband and I were essential workers, so we were both out of the house. To add insult to injury, my son who at the time was one, on his way to two, had to stay at my mothers with limited in person contact. All of this was something I was navigating but not necessarily processing. During this four month duration, I was able to see how my overall mental well being and mental health was being impacted. I had to allow myself to lean into the all of the feelings and emotions, which allowed me to step into the reality that this was not A Permanent Present. I was feeling like when would this end, when can I have my family back, and how will I navigate them when we are all back together. I would have to tell myself "Wait, this is not a permanent present, and neither are my thoughts", and this was an everyday day practice. A way for me to shift my mindset to allow me to step in to my new reality. One of the things I learned during this time was, I am not the only one stuck in the concern of what the new reality is and what it might be, and I was also not the only one actively working on figuring out how to live in a new present. Now with the lesson, I was able to take the loss what use to be, and I have learned how to recognize that these experiences are not a permanent present, and a reflection of current moments that are happening in real time. And with that lesson I was able to allow myself to step into the present, and all that this new life post Covid-19 would bring.


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