So as I was writing in my journal this morning, I got a bit emotional. Now ya'll to give you a little back ground I had my pervious journal for ten years, and for a whole year it was lost! Well I've never lost this journal I have right not, but to be honest I've been lost while writing my entries. I know that is the reason why I was so emotional looking at the ten or so pages left. I started to think about every thing I wrote, what had happened, what I'd done, and the thought I had was, "Wow I have so much more life to live". And with that, what I thought I was going to be writing about, went right out the window. My journals are my archives of life lived, it is a snap shot in time of who I was and where I was. And that's how my past got me here.
Over time I've been able reflect on what it took for me to be here. Here right now in this moment. In a moment of rest I was really able to take an inventory of what I am capable of. Back in 2003, I was fresh out of high school, and I moved my uncertain self down to San Diego ( Not far I know), to start life as an adult. While reflecting on that moment in time, I was able to see not only myself, but also the cycles of life I wind up in. What I learned from that time was, damn even if I'm scared imma do it any way.
I can remember being so excited to leave home, searching for my first apartment, packing my room up and purchasing my living room décor. The whole nine! With all of that excitement, I was still so fearful of what life was gonna be like once my mom and sister left me in San Diego ( They left cause they had lives to go back to). When my mom and sister left I had to do this thing called life with out them. This was the first time in my life that I had set my mind on something that I saw for myself, and I did it even while scared and uncertain of what the out come would be.
As I reflected on that moment in time, I understood how my past got me here. That same mindset allowed me to do it scared. And in my present state I really needed to be reminded of what I am capable of, I'm capable of starting over and navigating uncertainty. What I take with me is the lesson of perseverance, what ever it may be, and how I show up with the same sprit in my current time of judgement and doubt. I am here because I taught myself how to do the things I want to do with fear and uncertainty knowing that I can still get to where I want to be. Your past got you here, now you have the information to know how you will and have navigated yourself.